Reports from within the Trump camp indicated that he had written two, alternative speeches for election night: a victory speech and a concession speech.  We heard the victory speech.  Here is the concession speech he did not have to deliver.

Many people are saying Hillary Clingon — I mean Clinton — won the election.  I don’t know.  I’m not saying it.  Many others are: Her campaign staff, the disgraceful, lying mainstream media.  They  also say it’s not over until I concede.  What am I, the FAT LADY?  Do I have to SING, or just say it — which I’ll never do, by the way. So I guess it’s not over and we don’t have a new President.  I alone can concede, AND I’LL NEVER DO IT!!!

So does that mean we get 4 more years of Obama?  Same thing as 4 years of Hillary.  No difference.

Everyone wants to know what I’ll do next.  I have lots of plans.  BIG PLANS.  First, there are all these campaign workers to stiff.  Many people worked on my campaign.  I wasn’t happy with the results.  So I won’t pay them.  I’M NOT GONNA DO IT!!

There are also contractors and consultants to leave in the lurch. Then there’s the lawsuits:  Trump U., , defrauded contractors and workers.  Dozens of them — and that’s just the ones I have to defend.  Then there’s the ones I’ve promised to initiate — against the women who accused me of groping them.  There’s dozens of those, too.  Very damaging to my reputation.  I’m known as the world’s biggest liar, and if people find out I was telling Billy Bush the truth, it would undermine the image I have carefully cultivated as a guy who will say anything but the truth.

Lawyers are lining up to defend them and depose me.  Well, here’s the kicker — I wasn’t elected, so you can’t depose me–you can only depose a person in power, so the joke’s on you!!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, –of course the election was rigged!  It was rigged like an America’s Cup sailing ship, like the Stars & Stripes led by the great captain Dennis Connor, who I knew, by the way.  Great guy, great sailor, and a great patriot — he named his boat the Stars & Stripes, after all.  Rigging sailboats is good, but not elections.  This election was rigged — you know it, I know it, everybody knows it! It’s the ONLY way I could lose.  But I didn’t lose, of course.  And don’t let anybody tell you anything different!