As part of Trump’s total reorganization of the federal government, he is renaming and redefining the missions of his Cabinet Departments and major agencies.

He’s changing the Environmental Protection Agency to the Environmental Perfection Agency, because, in his own words, “The environment is now perfect, under Trump.”

The FBI becomes the FIB, because Trump expects the agency to lie to support his wild claims on crime.

CBP becomes the Department of The Fence, in honor of his big, beautiful border wall that will be built as soon as Mexico pays for it.

The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) becomes the Department of Human Cervixes to emphasize the federal government’s fundamental interest in controlling women’s reproductive organs.

The State Department becomes the Country Department, “because it represents the whole country, not just a state.”

CDC becomes See Deceased, to reflect RFK Jr.’s promotion of death and disease.

Housing and Urban Development becomes Trump Development, a subsidiary of the Trump Organization, because “Nobody knows development like Trump!”

ICE becomes LICE because they’re comprised of irritating white vermin.

ATF becomes ATM, since Trump uses the federal government as his own personal cash cow.

The Department of Veterans Affairs becomes the Department of Veterans of Trump’s Affairs, so that payments to his ex-mistresses can come out of the U.S. Treasury, instead of Trump’s own pocket.

The Department of the Interior becomes the Department of Outdoors, “because it’s NOT inside!”

The Department of Labor becomes the Department of Management, to reflect the Administration’s priorities.

The Department of Education is GONE – “There’s no place for education in this Administration!”

The Department of Transportation becomes the Department of Deportation to reflect the devotion of resources to deporting immigrants – and to eliminate all references to Trans in the government.

The U.S. Trade Representative is retitled the U.S. Tirade Representative – so he can accurately reflect Trump’s mercurial policies on tariffs.

The Director of National Intelligence is renamed the Director of No Intelligence, in honor of Tulsi Gabbard.

The Attorney General becomes A Turdy Genital to reflect Pam Bondi’s performance in office.

The Social Security Administration (SSA) is renamed SS to reflect Trump’s desire to eliminate socialist programs and to more closely reflect his values.

The Department of Agriculture becomes the Department of Anticulture – and it will counter the liberal Hollywood elites.

The Department of Treasury becomes the Department of Treasony – because treachery costs money.

CIA becomes CYA, because, you know, priorities.