Florida Man Ron DeSantis is on the verge of declaring to Elon Musk his losing entry into the race for the Republican Presidential nomination, while still embroiled in another losing battle, with Mickey Mouse. DeSantis has threatened to build a prison on state property near Disney World, while Disney just announced plans to scuttle a $1 billion development project in Florida.

DeSantis hopes to turn the tide and capture the public’s imagination by making a blockbuster announcement that he’s building a totally new, not-at-all-like-Disney-World theme park with tax dollars (and maybe some Musk Money?) on state land in Orlando. Dubbed DeSantis World, the park will feature rides and attractions like:

Privates of the Caribbean — for high school sports gender inspections (must be 17 or under to ride!). Those who fail are banished to Trans Island and banned from entry to the USA! 

Haunted Manchin – Enjoy this ghost who haunts Liberal Dem Socialists!

Peter Pan Am’s Flight (Immigrants Mystery Ride) – experience what it’s like to be an illegal immigrant who’s rounded up and sent off to places you never imagined!  They call it Neverland because the immigrants never get where they expect! 

Dumbo the Lying Elephant – a perennial GOP favorite!

Mad Tea Party Voters – How to make your base voters’ heads spin!

Frozen Ever After in Time – A tour of current GOP policies from decades ago!

DeSantis World’s Greatest Ambassador prepares to greet fans outside of Dandifella’s Castle.

Urban Jungle Cruise – A scary ride through harrowing rivers of “Democrat Controlled U.S. Cities”! Pairs well with the Soros Around the World travel adventure with “crime loving D.A.’s.”

Army’s Rat-a-tat-tat Adventure – You can be a gun-toting pretend warrior taking your automatic weapons to local shops and restaurants while running your weekend errands!

It’s Tough to be Anti-Buggery — Uplifting tale of a little Florida Man’s Crusade against the Woke Gay “Agenda” that’s being forced down our throats!

Joey and Kamala’s Runaway Inflation Railway – Keep cutting billionaires’ taxes while blaming the Democrats for the Deficit! Do it for Elon!

Boy Story Mania (a Shooting Ride) Experience the Thrill of seeing school children slaughtered by AR-15s, the Official Weapon of the GOP^TM!

Buzz ‘Lectionyear’s Space Ranger Spin – Shoot for the Moon! Anybody can be a star in the Republican Party. No qualifications required.

Seven Sins “MINE” Train – The Republican Credo plays out as players try to grab as much loot for themselves as possible. Greed is rewarded!

Guardians of the Orthodoxy: Comic Rewind – Constantly rail against “Cancel Culture” while enforcing strict adherence to the core “values” of the GOP – and expelling anybody who deviates. No self-awareness required!

Splash Fountain – Back in its Original Form! Separate Whites and Coloreds – just like your laundry! Powered by liberal tears and slave labor!

Avatar Flight of Passage of No Beneficial Legislation – Lots of talk and action, but nothing good comes of it.

Hall of Presidential Candidates – Nobody stands taller than the little man from TALLahassee!

Try Sarah Sanders Spin – Watch as the park’s true hero tries to recruit a former ally of his rival to run with him.  

It’s a Small Hands, After All – The enemy doesn’t look so scary in this retooled ride.

[Note: The Trump Train is Permanently Closed]

Mickey Mao – exposing the rival mouse for the Chinese-commie sympathizer he really is!

The Cease with Homo and Friends – Don’t Say Gay or you’ll be kicked out of the park!

DeSantis Carousal of No Progressives — engage in night after night of wild debauchery with your depraved friends while claiming you’re “standing up” for “family values”!

 (Also Catch Them at Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Cabal Eros)

 Under the C-Cups: Journey of the Little Incel — Take a peek!

Star Wars: Demise of the Resistance – Crush the “Vote Blue No Matter Who” Movement with Cold Green Cash!

The Trump Tower of Terror – Drop in on a towering den of iniquity filled with Russian mobsters and Middle Eastern Terrorist Financiers.

Empty Space Mountain – Shoot through the stars with virtually no policies or ideas.