Since the Olympics are primarily about making billions of dollars for the International Olympic Committee (and, oh yeah, a little bit about athletes from around the world striving for human achievement on the global stage), it is somewhat surprising that the IOC has not yet implemented sponsorships for individual events or guest commentator spots for a fee. Here are a few they should consider for the next time around:

Event Sponsors

Floor Exercise – American Yoga Association

High Jump – Houseplant (Seth Rogen’s Cannabis Company)

Men’s 4 X 100 Relay – United States (Baton) Twirling Association

Archery – Dr. Scholl’s Shoe Inserts

Heptathalon – The Allen Ginsburg Project

Decaffalon – Starbucks

The Vault – Brinks

Rugby – Karastan

Guest Commentators

Diving – Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone (see UFC 246 v. Conor McGregor)

Softball – Sean Hannity & Donald Trump

Backstroke – Joe Biden

Breaststroke – Andrew Cuomo

The Fly – Mike Pence

Freestyle — Eminem

Coxless Pairs – Kevin McCarthy & Ted Cruz