The singer in the ill-fitting suit and the ridiculously teased hair adjusted the microphone and surveyed the audience. “What a crowd,” he said perfunctorily.

Somewhat tentatively, he eased into his first number, about some dangerous guys down by the border.  The audience had heard it before, but that recognition didn’t generate much enthusiasm.  Most seemed bored and looked at their phones – though some took photos, to prove they’d really gotten THIS CLOSE to what was once the most popular country entertainer on the planet.

The singer seemingly acknowledged this. “I used to play some of the biggest venues in the country,” he said wistfully.  “I drew big crowds – HUGE crowds, unbelievable crowds – so big you wouldn’t even believe it.  I was talking with some of the guys the other day, and they said nobody else could draw crowds like I did – for a 52-date tour! They’d never seen anything like it.”

He sang a string of his old hits, and the crowd showed a bit more interest.  When he finished them, he tried to play up to the audience a bit more. He pointed out a few “luminaries” in the audience, including a former wrestling star.  Then he returned to his playlist – the same one that had served him so well over the years.  The crowd perked up a bit. 

He got a big burst of applause when he teased that he might go back out on a big tour again and assured the audience that they were part of a BIG MOVEMENT, “the likes of which the world has never seen.”  He made some catty remarks about the guy who’d knocked him off the charts – and seemed to think that doing so somehow elevated, rather than diminished, himself.

Again, he told the assemblage that the world had never seen anything like him and he’d be making a comeback soon.  In the meantime, he’d endorse other artists who sang his kind of tunes — and not those who put out this new kind of crap that passed for country music these days.

Sadly, he launched into his last “hit,” a diatribe on how the charts are RIGGED – and that he REALLY was still #1, if they’d only counted everything fairly.  Then, he moved on to a number that lashed out at his perceived enemies who had “done him wrong.”

Finally, he put together a string of his most powerful songs, including several that glorified guns, and mustered up some real gusto when he sang them, bringing the crowd to its feet – whether out of real enthusiasm or a strong feeling of nostalgia, it’s difficult to say.

And then it was over, and he left the stage.