The ears of the nation (except for Donald Trump’s) will be tuned in to what our new President, Joe Biden, says in his inaugural address.  Unlike his predecessor, Biden will likely give a speech full of hope and unity, appealing to our better angels to come together to address the problems that plague our nation.  Were he a lesser man, he might like to take some time to gloat and slam the man who left this country in such a mess. Here’s how that speech might sound.

As Gerald Ford once said, our long national nightmare is finally over.  What an ASSH0LE we just got rid of, huh?  Can you believe that guy?  Has America ever had a more incompetent, malevolent, miserable sonovabitch as President? That’s a rhetorical question – of course we haven’t! Trump is a total loser, a sore sport, and a spoiled brat.  He just couldn’t admit that he lost fair and square, and he dragged so many pusillanimous, lily-livered, evil Republicans along for the ride that he almost brought our nation to its knees.  To its knees. 

He fired up a crowd and incited them to go up to the Capitol to kill his own Vice President, Mike Pence, who is here today – hey, Mike – simply because the Vice President announced he would fulfill his Constitutional Duty. His Constitutional Duty.  And that threw Trump into mad frenzy! I’ve never seen anything like it in my lifetime, and I hope we never see it again.

You know, I like to say that “we’re better than this”  — but you know what? Trump isn’t better than this.  He is this!! He is an utterly worthless, lying, conniving pustule of pus and pond scum. He has left a stain on America that we won’t soon scrub away, but we have to move on.

I sent that clown outta town, so now let’s get to work!