Donald Trump has whined and complained on TV and Twitter about how he was robbed of winning the election by a vague combination of election fraud, unfair rules relating to his observers and life in general.  He has filed over a dozen lawsuits in his quixotic, but ignoble, quest to overturn the results of the election that has revealed no evidence of fraud. Courts have given short shrift to his arguments, dismissing a number of cases already. Trump has suffered the further humiliation of having two law firms withdraw from cases he filed in Arizona and Pennsylvania,and dropping cases entirely. As a result, Trump has decided to argue the remaining cases himself. Here’s how that’s likely to turn out.

Trump: May it please myself, your honor. This case involves the BIGGEST FRAUT IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN ELECTIONS!! BIG FRAUD!! MASSIVE FRAUD!! I WAS ROBBED!!

Court: Do you have any evidence?

Trump: Not yet, but it will come in, I’m sure of it.  We’ve established a hotline but Anarchist pranksters have clogged it up so real evidence can’t come in. 

Court: So you have no evidence?

Trump: I’m sure it will come in – in two weeks!  Lots of it!!  Big Evidence!!  Huge! The best evidence.

Court: But what have you got now?

Trump: A hunch!

Court: A hunch??

Trump: Yes. My gut says there was lots of fraud – and my gut is never wrong!!

Court: And what is that based on?

Trump: The vote counts have me behind.  I can’t lose. I never lose.  Especially to Biden – the worst candidate ever!!

Court: Then I guess we’re setting a new precedent here.  Case dismissed!

Trump:  You can’t do that!

Court: I can.

Trump:  I’ll sue you!  I’ll take you to court!  I’ll tie you up in litigation for years!

Court: Careful, Mr. Trump, before I hold you in contempt.

Trump: I hold you in contempt!

Court: Bailiff, take Mr. Trump and his lawyer away!