“Reverend” Jerry Fallwell, Jr. is making headlines again with his bellicose statements about packing heat and hurting the most vulnerable in our society.  Many ask how he can reconcile such violent rhetoric with the principles of Jesus, who he purports to follow.  It turns out that the Bible that Falwell reads is not quite the same as the one known to the rest of the world.  Here are Falwell’s versions of some familiar passages:

Millionaire 6:19 “Store up your treasures on earth, and be sure to guard them carefully, for they are what is truly important in life.”

DeuteronToThem 24:17-22, LeaveItToUs 19:33-34, ExitThem 22:21  “Treat the alien like dirt. Sure, you were aliens once yourselves, but that was a long time ago, and you have came a long way since then.  You cannot afford to let the aliens have any share of the bounty I have bestowed on you.”

Cool Hand Luke 15:1 “And Jesus said, ‘The shepherd searched day and night to find the sheep that had strayed from the flock. When he found it, he searched some more, so he could kill the man who stole it.’”

Con 18:10-11 “Then Jesus told Peter, ‘Cut off the other ear of the Roman soldier’s servant.  Then everybody draw your weapons and we will have a Rumble in Gethsemane!’”