“Justice” Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in today to sit on the U.S. Supreme Court.  He used his swearing in ceremony to clear up a few things and declare his judicial “philosophy.”

First, if I were the CLINTONS or ANY OTHER DEMOCRAT (except Manchin) I WOULDN’T want ANY case I CARE ABOUT to come to the Supreme Court NOW!

Opposition to my nomination has been a GIANT BUSCH LEAGUE PABST SMEAR CAMPAIGN, when I deserve a BLUE RIBBON instead!! Payback’s a BITCH (& SO ARE MY ACCUSERS!)!

On a more positive note, I’d like to thank particularly Sen. Collins (I prefer BEER, but I MAY have to switch to Tom COLLINS now!), Sen. FFFFFFlake & Sen. Manchin (I live in a mansion & DIDN’T have to PAY for it!!)!!

I’d also like to thank my wife and children, and my GIRLS’ basketball team (They really mean a LOT to me!) And my FEMALE CLERKS, who I will keep on RECRUITING with the SAME, EXACTING standards I’ve applied in the past.

I’d also like to clear up a few things & get some things off my chest:

• I HAVE A GREAT JUDICIAL TEMPERAMENT AND ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS A F*CKING LIAR PAID BY GEORGE SOROS!!
• A LOT has been made of my high school yearbook entries. They have been MISINTERPRETED to take on SINISTER meanings that WERE NEVER INTENDED!! I want to set the record straight on a few new ones that have just come to light:
  1. When I said me & the boys were “hanging out w/ Bud & Stella,” that just referred to a couple of GOOD FRIENDS. Saying that “Stella let me BOOF her in the Heineken you believe it???” was just some good clean fun, and I meant NO DISRESPECT, OKAY??
  2. “Mickey Low Blight” was one of the guys who lived in a really nice neighborhood.
  3. “Stop – you’re giving me a CORONAry!!! was just a shout out to my friend Stash, who’s REALLY funny!
  4. “Yuengling Bros. Blarney & Bailout Service” does not mean my friends & I got STUPID DRUNK & LIED about it or GOT ARRESTED!! It just referred to a trip we organized through our church to take UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS to the Circus!!
  5. “Have you HAD a 3-WAY Yet, Judge?!” was a playful reference to the new, adjustable light bulbs we got for our study lamps. WE STUDIED A LOT, OKAY?! I worked my buns off to GET INTO YALE with NO CONNECTIONS except my GRANDFATHER!!

I look forward to being on the Court and evenhandedly dispensing justice and favors to privileged white boys & men alike!