President Donald Trump is stalking the hallways of the White House and the West Wing, lie detector in tow, hooking up everyone he meets to the machine so he can ferret out the traitor who published an Op-Ed in the NY Times that was highly critical of him.  However, he apparently also has OTHER things on his mind, based on the questions he plans to ask various staffers & Cabinet Officers, according to a list that was leaked to us.

Betsy DeVos

“What’s the real reason you want to destroy public schools? Is it because the other kids called you ‘Ditzy DeVos’ in high school?”

Wilbur Ross

“How much money do you have stashed offshore, and can you spot me a few hundred million?”

Jared Kushner

“I’d like to ask you about your feelings. What’s it feel like to f*ck Ivanka?”

Jeff Sessions

“What does recuse mean?  Does it mean re-accuse?”

Ben Carson

“How can a brain surgeon be so stupid? I used to say, ‘Well it’s not brain surgery’ to indicate something wasn’t challenging, but after meeting you, I have to say ‘rocket science’ instead!”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders

“Did you really tell Kellyanne that you’re even a better liar than me?”

Ivanka

“What does the phrase, ‘Come on and give it to Daddy’ mean to you?”

Rudy Giuliani

“You married a close relative, didn’t you? Did anyone give you any grief for that, or was it OK?”

 Gen. John Kelly

“I NEED to KNOW — Do you promise to ALWAYS stick with me on the RACIST stuff, no matter what?”

Kirstjen Nielsen

“Do you have any children? I mean except the ones you keep locked up in cages.”

Kellyanne Conway

“Does your husband even ask you to wear a bag or a KKK hood over your head when you ‘make love’”?

Stephen Miller

“If Kellyanne wore a KKK hood over her head, would you bang her?”

Mike Pence

“Mike, I know you’re pleased that I’ve repealed Obama’s ban on saying “Merry Christmas” in public. To show your appreciation, I’d like you to sing at this year’s White House Christmas Pageant.  Are you happy to sing the line that goes, ‘Don we now our gay apparel fa la la, fa la, la la la la’?’”

Elaine Chao

“What do you have to do to get ‘Mitch’ to come out of his shell?”

James Mattis

“I once said I’m smarter than all the generals put together and I really believe that. Do you?”