Recently, three of the conservative Christian evangelical leaders most tied to Donald Trump’s presidency, Jerry Falwell, Jr., Franklin Graham, and Robert Jeffress, gathered together in Orlando for a discussion of the Theology of Trump, whom they have called a “godly man.”

Falwell: Lookit the **** on that waitress!

Graham: I’d sure like to *** on them all afternoon!

Jeffress: Hey, we should’ve invited Olsteen – and his wife!!

Falwell: I’d like to **** the **** out of her!

Graham: You know it — she can’t lisp if she’s got a **** in her mouth!

Falwell: Joel’s obviously not getting enough of that!

Jeffress: You got that right – she lisps like Giuliani!

Graham: And you know he’s got Trump’s **** in his mouth all the time!

Jeffress: Well, maybe not all the time . . .

Falwell: You’re right—I bet Pence’s **** is in there sometimes.

Jeffress: Why did you pick Perkins Pancake House for our lunch, Franklin?

Graham: It’s where Tiger Woods got his tail.

Jeffress: Catch a tiger by the tail . . .

Falwell: If I’d known this locker room talk and new 21^st theology was going to be so much fun, I’d have endorsed a degenerate decades earlier!

Jeffress: Well, Trump is biblically based. There was Lot and his daughters!

Graham: Except Ivanka wouldn’t have to get Trump drunk in order to get him to sleep with her.

Falwell: No, he’s been dying to do that since she was 13.

Jeffress: A very biblical number!

Graham: Trump is truly a godly man.  He has rewritten the scriptures.  The poor are not blessed in his world.

Falwell: He’s sure turned around that passage about it’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.

Jeffress:  Yeah, more like it’s easier to pass a needle through the eye of a camel! PETA would be all over that!

Graham: Good for us, though. This churchin’ business is very lucrative!

Falwell: I’ll say.

Jeffress: And the meek shall not inherit the earth in Trump’s world.  He’ll pick on them mercilessly.

Graham: No turning the other cheek in Trump world either.

Jeffress: Thank goodness. Speaking of which, you packing today, Jerry?

Falwell: Always. *wink*

Graham: Sometimes I think you like the Second Amendment more than the Second Commandment!

Falwell: That may well be!

Jeffress: We need to instill in the public more respect for our leaders, God put them there.

Graham: Except for Obama.

Falwell: People can’t let go of the fact that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote.

Jeffress: That’s how we know God anointed him Trump.  The people elected Obama & tried to elect Clinton. Trump couldn’t win without God.

Falwell: Or Uncle Vladdy!

Jeffress:  Well, we need to exert our Moral Authority to show the people Trump needs to be shown deference.

Graham:  Moral Authority.  I like that.  Hey, Jerry, that would be a good name for our group.

Falwell: Especially since we can’t go with the Moral Majority any more, since we’re only a small minority.

Jeffress: If we’re only a small minority, can we get special privileges from the Democrats?