The following ad is set to run online and in Washington, DC and national papers:

Wanted:  Attractive, loyal go-getter in charge of communications for a hard-charging executive who runs his own independent social media organization.  Get to know intimate details of top levels of power and how to suppress them from the press.  At the same time, the position provides a rare opportunity to experience firsthand the ins and outs of the legal system first hand, including interviews with top law enforcement officials, learning how a prosecutor builds a case & flips witnesses, and more!

Applicants will be required to pass a screening test that includes the following written and oral phases:

Written

• List 10 different ways to say, “He’s not golfing!”; and
• Describe what “Executive Time” means to you and what the public should think it means;

Oral — Say with a straight face:

1. “My boss is the greatest communicator ever!” followed immediately by “You’ve got it ALL WRONG! That’s NOT what he meant—you’re twisting his words!”; and
2. “He didn’t say that, he NEVER said that,” while a video of him saying EXACTLY that runs in the background.
3. (To him) “Yes, sir. Brilliant idea, sir!  You’re the greatest EVER, sir!”

Next, write an ad for an impending opening in the security office.