Like many Americans, President Donald Trump is mesmerized by the spectacle of the Winter Olympics.  However, he faces a dilemma, as they are broadcast on NBC, a network he brands as FAKE NEWS! And he doesn’t want to be disloyal to Fox News, the official State TV of the Trump Administration.  He’s found a compromise by giving commentary on the Olympic experience (sort of like David Letterman’s mother did years ago), but to Fox News.  Here’s his latest wrap-up:

Snowboarding — General Kelly says we’ve got to try this.  They say it’s the next level beyond Waterboarding. It’s a great way to get terrorists – or Democrats – to talk.  You hold their head in a snowbank for a minute, then yank it out and if they don’t start talking, you push their head back and yank it back out until they do.

Skeleton – I think Stephen Miller would be great at this!  He’s got the look–his head looks just like a skull and that skinny little body is like a skeleton.

Figure Skating – I thought I’d like this because of the name, but I have to say that most of the skaters do NOT have very good figures.  In fact, they look more like Roy Moore’s a-cup of tea than mine.

Curling – I’m very good at this.  And if they combined it with pumping iron, I’d be great at it.  No one can wield a curling iron like I do!!  You should see me!  I’m using one at this very moment to get my hair just right even as we’re speaking.  I am the master at it!

Luge – This reminds me of my great Trump Winery outside of Charlottesville, where as you know, there are many fine people on all sides.  I bought it at a foreclosure from Patricia Kluge. I’ve known her since her twenties, and she used to be very hot then, but very elegant, too.  She married the richest guy in the world but then got divorced and fell on hard times.  I always tell Melania to keep that in mind–the grass isn’t always greener . . .