Trump Immigration Test

Posted by brutalpublicist on

President Trump says he wants merit based immigration – admitting only those people who will contribute to our society – presumably just like he does.  Here is the questionnaire his Administration has designed to ferret out applicants with true merit, along with the government’s evaluation scale (in parentheses).

  1. How many people have you conned in the past year? _______ (Over 50 will be considered positive)  In your lifetime?_________.  (Over 1000 will be given highest priority)
  1. Have you contributed to the Trump Campaign while you were a foreign citizen?
    1. Yes, but please don’t tell the Federal Elections Commission (FEC). (Positive consideration)
    2. Yes, and I don’t care if the FEC finds out – they’re a bunch of dandies with their fancy rules that hinder REAL AMERICANS from raising money. (Welcome to America!!)
    3. (Disqualifying)
  2. Have you ever stiffed workers in your employ? (Circle One) Yes No
    1. If yes, how often?
      1. All the time. F’n’ workers are lucky to have JOBS — now they want to get PAID TOO??  (Very positive consideration)
      2. Whenever I can get away with it. (Positive consideration)
      3. Never, I believe in an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. (Disqualifying)
  1. How many unskilled members of your family do you support or employ? ____
    1. . If greater than 5, what is your net worth? ______
      1. (If under $50K what are you, a family of deadbeats?  If over $10 million, good man – keep those kids gainfully employed. They can’t be expected to compete in the cold, hard, real world.)

5. How many Trump properties did you patronize overseas? ___ (Over 5 = positive consideration; over 10 = which Cabinet position would you like?)

6.  What was your annual income last year?

A.  Over $10 million (Please fill out Attachment A, Membership Application for Mar-a-Lago)

B.  Under $10K. Are you willing to work at Trump properties in America for minimum wage + tips? (Circle one) Yes No (If yes, please pick up a maid or waiter’s uniform when you drop off your application. Note: Do not tell them there’s a “No tipping” policy at Trump Properties)

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