Trump/Sessions Plan for Retaking the Constitution

Posted by brutalpublicist on

The Trump Administration, which often evokes the “good old days” when blacks and women knew their place, has tasked Attorney General and Constitutional scholar Jefferson Beauregard Sessions with examining whether any refinements of the Constitution would help achieve that historic rollback.  Here is his report:

To: Donald J. Trump, President of the United States

From: General J.B. Sessions

Subject: Constitutional Changes to Implement Trump Priorities

  1. The original Constitution had it right. Blacks should count as 3/5 of a person. This provision should be restored.
  2. Additional scoring of people’s worth should be enshrined in the Constitution as follows: (a) Gays 1/2 of a person; (b) Muslims 0% of a person; (c) Women 1/10 to 10/10, based on individual ratings by the Supreme Leader; (d) Immigrants from the Northern Hemisphere (except Spain) 2x a person; (e) Immigrants from Southern Hemisphere (plus Spain) 1/4 of a person.          \
  3. The following Amendments* to the Constitution should be repealed: (a) 1st Amendment — Freedom of Press and Religion; (b) 13th Amendment — Abolished slavery; (c) 14th Amendment — Due Process, Equal Protection, Federal Protections Apply to States; (d) 15th Amendment — Prohibits the denial of right to vote due to race or color; (e) 22nd Amendment — Limits number of terms for President; (f) 23rd Amendment — Grants District of Columbia (Washington, DC) electors in Presidential election; (g) 24th Amendment — Eliminates poll taxes; and (h) 25th Amendment — Provides for removal of President with mental disabilities.
  4. These minor tweaks to the Constitution will help Make America Great Again, restore the rightful order that you have promised, and help you personally!

* Note: In order to promote your Law & Order agenda, I had originally included the following Amendments in the list of those to be repealed: 4th Amendment — Protection from unreasonable searches and seizures, 5th Amendment — Right to avoid self-incrimination, and 6th Amendment — protection of accused persons in criminal cases.  However, upon further reflection, I realized that you and your colleagues (including me) may want/need to avail (y)ourselves of these protections.

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