The White House and Department of Interior jointly announce a new policy: “The Federal government will take back valuable land and mineral rights from Indian reservations.  These tribes should be glad we gave them this land in the first place!

“We could take it all back, so just taking back the mineral rights, easement rights and rights for us to license others to build and operate casinos is generous on the government’s part.

To those who claim this action is anti-Indian, we say, ‘Of course not! Secretary Zinke is an Eagle Scout, which is a title named after Indians, and before that, he was a Cub Scout, which does all sorts of Indian stuff.  Webelos sounds Indian, doesn’t it? And Vice President Mike Pence is from Indiana!'”

In unrelated news, the Trump Organization reveals plans for casinos at major Indian sites around the country