Many people voted for Donald Trump because he is “plainspoken” and ‘says what he means.”  Nevertheless, time after time, his staff has to “explain” what he meant when he tweeted or said something embarrassing, crazy, or outrageous.  They have even castigated the press for taking the President’s statements “literally,” as if the man whose speech patterns resemble those of a third grader somehow were tweeting in metaphors and literary allusions worthy of James Joyce in Finnegans Wake.  To ease their workload and speed your understanding of the babbling President, here is a handy Trump-English Phrase Book.

1. Trump_Phrase:  “On Day One, I will ask Congress to present me with a bill to repeal and replace that  disastrous Obamacare!”

English Meaning : “You don’t have this on videotape, do you? I’ll deny I said it!”

2. Trump_Phrase: “Nobody knows how complicated this is.”

English Meaning: “I had no clue.”

3. Trump Phrase: “I am smarter than all the generals, and I have a secret plan to destroy ISIS.”

English Meaning: “I will ask the generals to develop a plan.”

4. Trump_Phrase: “Nobody in history has ever faced such vicious press scrutiny as me.”

English Meaning: “I have not studied history” and “Why doesn’t the press swallow my bullsh!t? Everyone around me does!”

5. Trump_Phrase: “The media has been very, very dishonest in covering me.”

English Meaning: “Nobody’s ever fact-checked me before — and I don’t like it!”

6. Trump_Phrase:  “Believe me”

English Meaning: “I’m lying”

7. Trump_Phrase: “Maybe I’ll provide evidence to the Committee before the hearing. I just choose not to do it at this time.”

English Meaning: “I’ve got NOTHING, except the Committee Chair in my POCKET!!”