Almost President Donald Trump announced that he has written his Inaugural Address himself.  Many people are saying they doubt he could do it, but the following text, leaked by the Trump Transition Team, lends credence to his claim.  No paragraph is longer than 140 characters, so it is entirely possible the Tweeter-in-Chief did compose it himself, over a series of 3 AM sessions.

My Loyal Subjects,

Republicans, Conservatives & #Deplorables — it is a pleasure to address you today.

Democrats, Losers & #NastyWomen, I take even GREATER pleasure in addressing YOU as the new PRESIDENT of the United States.

I won, you lost, now #GetOverIt!! No, I hope you don’t get over it. Not in a month, not in a year, not in ten years, not FOREVER!!!.

I won & you lost & there’s nothing you can do about it. SO SUCK IT!!

Now I’d like 2 introduce a special guest: Green Bay Packer Ha Ha Clinton-Dix.That’s 4U Hillary-you should’ve seen your face! U2, Bill. HaHa!

The world will carefully note & long remember what I say here today:

Let the word go forth 2 friend & unfriend alike, the torch is passed 2 an older generation of Americans, bitter, despite their advantages.

Eager & willing 2 witness or cause the undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we’ll support any friend who pulls their weight in NATO & any foe who tilted to me.

And I have to say, I resent coming up to the Capitol 4 the swearing in.  They should be coming to ME. Next time, we’ll hold it @ the WH.

It will be much better on the South Lawn, with the crowd on the Ellipse. This is the LAST TIME I’m coming up here, I tell ya that right now.

Speaker Paul Ryan. Little Eddie Munster, I call him. Doesn’t he look like Eddie Munster?  You do, Paul.  You know you do.

He’s such an earnest little policy wonk, but he can’t get anything done.  He couldn’t come up with a replacement for Obamacare in 6 YEARS!!!

I’m pleased to announce that as soon as I get into my limo, I will sign legislation to REPEAL the DISASTROUS Obamacare – a TOTAL DISASTER!!

We’re not going with the House replacement. They had 6 years to come up with a replacement & came up with NOTHING! NADA!! ZILCH!!!

Now, all of a sudden, once I’m elected, Paul Ryan has got some ideas.  Not such good ideas, but he’s got ideas all of a sudden.

Know how many votes Paul Ryan got in his last election? 230,000!!!  I got 63 MILLION votes.  I don’t think I need to be paying any attention to him, do I?

Only when I was elected did those bozos in the House & Senate realize they had 2 actually come up w/ a plan, instead of just grandstanding

Our proposal is called the #AvoidableCareAct. Pretty catchy, huh? It’ll really hold down costs if U avoid going to the hospital or doctor.

It’s based on the Christian Science model.  When you don’t use medicine or procedures, costs go way down. WAY DOWN!!!

Then there’s Midget McConnell, Majority Leader of the Senate. I call Mitch “The Turtle.” Don’t his neck & head look like a turtle’s?

Sure they do, Mitch–ya know they do. If things get tough, I’ll just hide in my shell!! Now, that’s gotta be a feared legislative tactic!!

Ooh, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me!  Is it safe to come out yet??

Mitch is supposed to be a master of Senate parliamentary procedures. How boring is that?  In fact, can you imagine a more boring subject?

Still, Mitch stonewalled on release of intelligence reports on Russian intervention & contacts with my campaign till after the election.

So I owe Mitch, and so I gave his wife a job in my Cabinet, so we’re square. I always pay my debts.  Except in business, of course!

My Cabinet is fantastic. It has the greatest net worth of any cabinet ever!! & when I sit in the meetings, the net worth just SKYROCKETS!!

We’ve got a lot of generals. U know I’ve said generals R not so smart. So there’ll be no doubt who the smartest man in the room is!

It’s not U, Mike Pence, I can tell you that. U look good, tho, Mike, very good. Doesn’t he folks? He looks the part. That’s why I picked him

They say Lincoln had his team of rivals. And I put former opponents like Rick Perry & Ben Carson in my Cabinet. So I’m just like Lincoln!

And most importantly, I named Jared Kushner as a senior WH advisor.  He has what I most desire–a legal right to be with Ivanka!

I’m pleased to announce that Mexico will pay for the wall–$10 billion. That’s dollars, not pesos. It’s about 100 trillion pesos, right?

I’m also pleased to announce a new foreign aid package 2 Mexico 2 combat drugs & illegal border crossings. $22 Billion!

So we’ll just transfer $12 Billion to them and keep the other $10 Billion. VOILA–they just paid for it!!! And U said I couldn’t make them!

George Washington said the U.S. shouldn’t have a king or an emperor. But what did he know?  He was a general & generals aren’t so smart.

So we’ll have changes under Trump. Instead of being addressed as Mr. President which seems much too plain, U will call me Your Excellency!

That conveys the proper deference, respect & acknowledgement of my inherent excellence!!  It is perfect, dontcha think! I like it!

They say character counts when UR President. I’m ready! I often type a tweet & count the characters & have 2 cut’em back to140.

And my 2-part tweets are the toughest. Sometimes it takes me 15-20 minutes to get the 2nd half down to 140. So I am a true man of character.

Now on to the important issues UR all concerned with: NBC won’t have access to the WH until SNL dumps Alec Baldwin & stops making fun of me.

And Katy Tur’s gotta go, too.

And Rosie O’Donnell is a fat pig.  She really is.

Thank you!  Let’s make America Great Again!!

Oh & stay @ the new #TrumpInternational in D.C. A great hotel. On Pennsylvania Ave right on the parade route. I’ll point it out as we go by!