A questionaire from Donald Trump’s Transition Team to the Department of Energy demanding information on DOE officials’ participation in climate change conferences and activities caused anxiety within the workforce and provoked angry reactions from partisans on the other side of the issue. Less publicized were the Trump Team’s questions and directives to other Departments and Agencies.  Here are some highlights:

Department of the Interior: What is the process for adding a new president to the facade of Mt. Rushmore?  Does the president have to be out of office for a certain period of time or could a sitting president be added?  If a president did not want his hair to be carved in stone but to be able to blow in the wind, what materials would be used for the hair?  What is the cost to carve a new face on the cliff?  Would the cost be higher or lower if a new president replaced an existing image on Mt. Rushmore?

National Academies of Science – Are teams at any of the national laboratories or federally funded laboratories on the verge of discovering a new element?  What is the process for submitting a proposed name for the element?  No one has named an element Trumpium yet, have they?

Department of Agriculture – Could you cross-breed a clementine with a stalk of corn to get corn silk to appear on the top of the clementine?  Would it look like this? Would it be called a trumperine?

Department of Housing and Urban Development – Shouldn’t we be doing government research to determine the type of accoutrements the super-rich would like in their fancy condominiums and what options bring the greatest return for developers?

Department of State – Does this cover all states, or just those who supported the winning president in the Electoral College?

Department of Education – Let me see Obama’s college and law school transcripts.  Also, bury mine where we dispose of nuclear waste.

NASA – How close are we to developing the outer space prisons that were featured in Superman II?  Can they be tested on political opponents before we send criminals there?

National Archives – Please provide us with the original U.S. Constitution and some pens that match the original ink.  We would like to make a few changes, like striking the First Amendment provisions protecting freedom of the press and freedom of religion.

Department of Transportation – Please have a few cars on standby at Trump Tower in case we need to leave in a hurry.  We can’t take public transportation or rely on cabs or Uber.

Department of Homeland Security – What kind of alarm system is best for a penthouse apartment in a prestigious building in the heart of Manhattan?

Department of the Treasury – Where can we see the great stuff that Nicholas Cage found in National Treasure (I and II)?

F.B.I. Give Comey a medal!