Turmoil and infighting within the Trump campaign have led many to call it a zoo, similar to the infamous “Bronx Zoo” label attached to another tumultuous New York City icon, the N.Y. Yankee teams of the 1970s and 1980s.  This raises the intriguing question of whether founding an actual zoo is another possibility for Trump’s business empire if he loses the election.  While he would inevitably call it the Trump Zoo, it is likely that observers of his peculiar complexion during the campaign would dub it the “Bronze Zoo,” in a nod to the legendary NYC animal habitat.

Here’s a report on the status of the Trump Zoo on its first anniversary.

Elephant Exhibit – in total disarray.  Virtually destroyed. Donkeys have trampled all over it. Trump seems to have ruined whatever hold the elephants may once have had on the American public.  They’re trying to salvage something out of the space by opening an alternate on the right fringe, with as yet unidentified creatures. Not sure how far right they’ll have to go or what this exhibit will lead to.

Giraffes – Trump was a little surprised they only had a few of the long-necked, spotted African animals.  He thought there would also be dinosaurs, until the zookeeper informed him that was “Jurassic Park” not Giraffic Park.  “But Pence assured me that men have walked with dinosaurs!” He also wants a T. Rex, not just the long necks.  “If he wants real dinosaurs, why doesn’t he just let Giuliani and Gingrich wander about the place,” said the frustrated zookeeper.

Trumpanzees – the screeching, feces throwing tantrums from supposedly high-intelligence primates has been very disturbing for the general public.

Aviary – Trump admits, when he first heard of this, he thought it was an exhibit for women (and not because the Beatles called young women “birds”).

Lions – extremely popular with the Trump supporters.

Sharks – Very big exhibit. Trump likes to surround himself with sharks.  Thinks it helps his business.

Snakes – Thriving.  See “Sharks,” above.

Hippos – Trump told the zookeeper, “You need to put those females on a diet.  They’re disgusting.”  As for the rest, he declared, “That male looks like Christie.  He carries it well.”

Bears – Happily, many more became available for zoo since Trump lost.  Would have been busy over on Wall Street if he’d won.