Fresh off a triumphant week of articulating coherent, well-thought-out policy positions on the campaign trail, Donald Trump held a follow-up interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC’s “This Week.”

GS: You’ve said that the election may be rigged.  What is your basis for saying that?

DT: I’m a winner George. If I don’t win, it has to be because the election was rigged.  It’s that simple.

GS: That sounds a bit like an adolescent claiming that his or her team lost because the “the other team cheated,” or “the ref called the game against us.”

DT: It happens — That’s happened to me.

GS: That’s all you’ve got?  You have no evidence of an effort to distort the election?

DT: That’s all I need.  If I say it, it must be so.  My people will believe it.  Our electoral system is like a carnival — the game is rigged against you.

GS: Or a casino.

DT: Yeah, everybody can relate to that.

GS: But sometimes the house loses.  Casinos go bankrupt.

DT: Only if there is a democratic mayor.

GS: Speaking of carnivals and casinos, the last time we talked, I mentioned that Michael Bloomberg called you a con man–

DT: Well after that other speech, I can assure you that I am not a Khan man.  What that man did was outrageous.  He viciously attacked me!

GS: Are you serious?  After all of the vicious, vile things you have said about other people — Mexicans, women, Muslims, the disabled — you’re going to sit here and say you were “viciously attacked”?

DT: Well, they deserved it.  I have done nothing to deserve it.

GS: The American people, and many leaders in your own party seem to disagree.

DT: Well, they are all wrong, of course.

GS: You seem very thin-skinned.  At the slightest criticism, you overreact in a way that seems disproportionate and counterproductive to your own cause.  Is it always tit for tat for you?

DT: Yes, and I will always have bigger tits than their tats. Big tits are the best!  But I don’t like tats on tits.  If Ivanka ever got one, I would be very upset.  Very upset.

GS: Speaking of Ivanka, you have taken some criticism for saying that if she were ever harassed at work, you hope she would just change jobs or switch industries.  Isn’t that insensitive to the career aspirations of women?

DT: George, what you fail to consider is that I’m Ivanka’s only boss.  So if I hit on her, I hope and expect that it wouldn’t be unwelcome, and if it were, I certainly hope she wouldn’t turn me in to HR.  You see?

GS: I am trying to unsee that image.  Let’s get back to your temperament.  Is there no slight that is too small for you to ignore?

DT: You know how Hillary Clinton says she sweats the details?  Well, this is one of the details I sweat.  People say I am not detail oriented, but I have an encyclopedic memory for every slight I’ve suffered.  And believe me, I’ve suffered a lot.  The Khans aren’t the only ones who have suffered.

GS: That’s what gets to people.  You seem to equate a virtual paper cut you’ve suffered with someone else losing their limbs or even dying.  You do not seem to have any sense of perspective of how this will be perceived.

DT: I think the campaign has gone very well so far.  Very, very well.  And no one knows what’s in my heart.  They can’t judge me.

GS: Yet you seem exceptionally quick to judge others.

DT: Yes, but they can’t judge me.

GS: “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

DT: I’m not sure who said that, but it sounds good.

GS: Jesus Christ!

DT: No need to take the Lord’s name in vain, George.

GS: I didn’t.  Jesus is the one who said that.

DT: Oh.

GS: What about the “judge not” part?

DT: I have good judgment.  Hillary Clinton has bad judgment.  That’s what this election is all about.

GS: She says you have terrible judgment and an erratic temperament, always lashing out in a disproportionate response and cannot be trusted with the Nuclear Codes.

DT: I can be trusted.  I have a photographic memory.  I can memorize the codes very easily.  I won’t have to send myself an email with the codes, where it can be hacked and the codes can fall into the wrong hands.  I’m very good with numbers.  I went to the Wharton Business School and did exceedingly well.

GS: You seem to have a constant need to tell people how smart you are.

DT: I am smart.  Very, very smart!

GS: Most people who are really smart don’t keep telling people how smart they are.

DT: I have to tell people so they know.  My kind of smart is not so obvious.  It’s subtle.  People may not notice.  And to be frank, the people in my audience are not that smart, so I have to keep reminding them.  And our leaders are not very smart.  Now Mexico — their leaders are very smart.  But the people are not.

GS: I think Clinton meant that you can’t be trusted to have your finger on the nuclear button.  That you are too mercurial.  If someone gets under your skin, you’ll want to nuke them, regardless of the geopolitical and human cost.

DT: It’s good to keep our enemies off balance.  Make them wonder what we might do.

GS: Foreign policy experts have expressed concern that you may be too cavalier with nuclear weapons, as evidenced by your asking why we can’t use such weapons.

DT: Well, they’re just a bunch of pantywaists, aren’t they?

GS: So you think that we should always retain the option of using nuclear weapons, no matter what the circumstances.

DT: Of course.  Never take an option off the table.  Negotiating 101.

GS: What about your idea of arming more nations with nuclear weapons, like Japan, South Korea, and others?

DT: It’s like guns.  The more good guys have guns, the better off we’ll be.  I’m just applying Second Amendment principles to nukes in the world.  The more good countries have nukes, the safer the world will be. Can’t argue with the wisdom of the Founding Fathers!

GS: What about when countries turn on us?  Iran, Iraq, and Afghanistan were once allies of ours or at least they were friendly to us.

DT: They need to be thoroughly vetted, of course.

GS: Speaking of which, you want to vet refugees, including women and children, before they come into this country, saying it is a national security risk to do otherwise.  Do you take a similar view on criminal background checks for prospective gun owners?

DT: What does the NRA say?

GS: Is that your position — whatever NRA says?

DT: Not necessarily.  I just want to know their position.  They’ve thought these things through for a long time.

GS: Getting back to the Khans, you made a point that Mr. Khan and General Allen have not met you, and you seem to imply that only people who have met you can judge you.  Is that what you believe?

DT: Yes.

GS: So you only criticize or judge people you have met?

DT: Well, that’s different.

GS: How?

DT: There’s a big difference, George.  In the one instance someone is criticizing me.  In the other, I am criticizing them.  Do you see?

GS: I think I do.  How do you answer those who say you are egocentric, egotistical, and narcissistic?

DT: First of all, I am not eco-centric, and I think the whole global warming alarm is a big scam — it’s a sham to promote a socialist, one-world agenda.

GS: I said “ego-centric” — self-centered.

DT: Oh, I heard “eco.”  Must have been bad earpiece.

GS: But I’m sitting right here, across from you.

DT: Bad acoustics then.  I have perfect hearing.  It’s not my hearing.

GS: So how do you respond to that characterization of you, that you are self-centered and lack any sort of impulse control?

DT: I WANT TO PUNCH ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT IN THE FACE!!  KNOCK’EM OUT! MAKE THEIR HEAD SPIN!

GS: Isn’t that a little extreme?  Most people would say so.

DT: Well, I’m not most people.

GS: Mr. Khan said you were a black soul.

DT: Is that supposed to be a bad thing?  I like soul music.  I love Motown — everybody loves Motown!  Are you telling me that black soul music is somehow bad?  That it’s not as good as so-called Blue-Eyed Soul?  That seems racist to me, George.

GS: Do you regret attacking a Gold Star Family?

DT: No, not at all.  They started it.  And by the way, George, I hear all the time, “they’re a Gold Star family, they’re a Gold Star family.”  That’s the problem with our country — everybody gets a gold star, everybody gets a participation trophy.  Participation trophies are for losers.  We need to promote winners.  I like winners.

GS: But they lost their son . . .

DT: Right.  Losers!  You’re proving my point, George.

GS: You’ve gotten a lot of flack for apparently not knowing that Putin already invaded Ukraine, when you said he’d never go into Ukraine.

DT: I tell you, George, I use yuuge cranes when I build my hotels and condos.  And I have built a lot of buildings in New York.  I have really made a contribution to our society and sacrificed to do so.

GS: But do you know that Putin has annexed Crimea?

DT: Oh, Crimea River, George.  Boo hoo.  Those people wanted to be part of Russia more than Ukraine, anyway. They should have the freedom to choose.

GS: Well, they didn’t exactly choose — the Russian tanks came rolling in and made that choice for them.

DT: That’s Putin being a leader.  Better than what we’ve got.

GS: So you think Obama should invade Mexico and annex part of their territory?

DT: You know, that’s not such a bad idea. The farther south we push our border, the shorter the wall would have to be, since Mexico is shaped like a funnel.  And then we’d have plenty of Mexicans for our agricultural and domestic workforce.  I’ll have to look into that, George.

GS: I wasn’t seriously suggesting that.

DT: Of course not, because you are in the tank for Hillary.  Didn’t you get your start working with the Clintons on their campaigns in the 90’s?

GS: Yes.

DT: You are so in the tank for them, George.  You’re just a democratic shill.  You are so close to them.  It’s right there in your name — George Step In Donkey Piss.

GS: What the–?

DT: Admit it, George.

GS: I’m trying to have a serious discussion here.

DT: How can I take you seriously when you have donkey piss in your name?  You should look out for #1, George.  I always do.