Donald Trump issued the following statement upon the passing of Muhammad Ali:

Muhammad Ali was a man I greatly admired.  First of all, he acted completely in his own self interest and convinced the public and the press he was standing up for some noble principle.  That is a talent that I have been trying to master.  He wanted no part of the Vietnam War (and I can totally relate to that), and claimed he was a minister of Islam and couldn’t wage war.   What total nonsense!  He was not a minister.  He was a boxer.   As the great George Carlin said, Ali’s position was, “I’ll beat’em up, but I don’t wanna kill’em!”  But it was ingenious — I could only think of saying I had bone spurs and got the family doctor to back me up.  Not nearly as colorful — but I’m getting the hang of it now!

When people said Ali lost his career for 3 years while his legal appeal was pending, they were talking about boxing, not ministry.  He was free to be a minister during that time.  So he didn’t really lose the career he claimed to get out of the war.  Nonetheless, he said his religion did not allow him to serve in wartime.  Total Bullsh!t, but Brilliant!  How many Muslims have you heard of declining to serve in war?  And not just jihad against the infidels.  I’m talking about run of the mill, country against country wars.  Remember the Iran-Iraq War?  Lasted ten years — Muslim against Muslim!  Remember the first Gulf War?  Lots of Muslim countries lined up against another Muslim country, Iraq.

Ali was so talented, so talented.  He was mesmerizing.  He convinced the public he was on a crusade (ironic for a Muslim, right?) and  became an icon.  He was vilified at first, but now is beloved by all.  You can see why he’s a real role model for me.

He also made fun of people in infantile ways — and people ate it up!  He had silly nicknames for his opponents.  He called Sonny Liston “The Big Ugly Bear,”  Floyd Patterson “The Rabbit,” George Chuvalo “Washer Women,” and Joe Frazier “The Gorilla.”

Imagine if I called a black man a gorilla — I’d be crucified!  Nonetheless, Ali was the inspiration for me calling my opponents names like “Little Mario,” “Lyin’ Ted,” and “Crooked Hillary.”  And all the while he was doling out nasty nicknames for everyone, Ali claimed it was disrespectful to call him Cassius Clay.  Brilliant!  Trashy becomes classy!

We’re going to honor Ali in a number of ways.  I gave Chris Christie a new motto “Float like a butterball and stink like a beast!”   One time when Christie went off to visit Ali, I told him, “I guess if Muhammad won’t come to the mountain, the mountain has to go to Muhammad, right Chris?”

And just so you know, my ban on Muslims entering the country wouldn’t apply to Ali — he was already in America when he became a Muslim!

Finally, to make sure the world won’t forget Ali, I’m going to re-brand my campaign in his honor — “Make America the Greatest!”