Oh, say can you see by the Don’s early light (“I wanted to say ‘Donald,’ but too many syllables, so Don is OK here. I can live with that.”)
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?  (“The polls closed at twilight, and people were already hailing my great win.  We’re winning already, and Americans are proud again, so very proud.”)
Whose broad stripes (“I love ties with broad stripes.”) and bright stars (“I have very, very bright people working for me.  Very bright.  I tell them what to do and they do it.  They’re the best!”) thru the perilous fight, (“That Bernie Sanders ran a very aggressive campaign for an old coot, I’ve gotta give him that.”)
O’er the Trump parts we watched (“and they are very, very large Trump parts, I guarantee you —  I guarantee you!”) were so gallantly streaming?  (“See — gallantly.  They are ‘gallantly streaming’ — that’s presidential.  I’m acting presidential already!”)
And the rocket’s red glare (“Did you see all those red states — the entire electoral map was red — what a spectacular victory — total victory!”), the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled (“What the hell is spangled?!”) banner yet wave (“Those Trump banners look so beautiful waving in the breeze. . . . so beautiful.”)
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?  (“We gotta change that to Yanks or Mets — something more New York. Not the Braves — that’s gotta go. People will think of Ted Turner, not Donald Trump when they say Braves.”)