President Obama has finally realized that Republicans and conservative voters will oppose anything that has his name on it.  Hence the late night comedian’s “man-on-the-street” interview revelation that some segments of the public hated “Obamacare” but loved the “Affordable Care Act.”

Anything proposed by Obama is scornfully dismissed, even if it would otherwise be perfectly acceptable.  A case in point is Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland, who was mentioned by Republican judiciary guru Sen. Orrin Hatch as an example of a fine jurist worthy of the Court — except when Obama actually nominated him.

Other senators explicitly stated that they would be happy to consider Garland if he were nominated by the next President, but that he was persona non grata as Obama’s nominee.  Thus, the crucial question is not “who is the nominee?” but rather “who nominated the nominee?”

In contrast, Republicans in Congress, especially conservatives, have autonomic responses that cause them to support anything that promotes guns; they are not necessarily conscious of it.  Some would call it a knee-jerk reaction, but it is more like an itchy trigger finger response.

Obama’s advisors hope to capitalize on the second phenomenon as a means of surmounting the first one.  They are rolling out a strategy, dubbed Gunzilla, to harness the Second Amendment Fever gripping conservatives to overcome their viseral distrust of anything that comes from the President.  For instance, in seeking Senate meetings for the Supreme Court nominee, the Administration envoys now refer to him as “Merrick Gunland, a jurist of the highest caliber.”

Privately Obama’s operators gloat, “The nominee’s name alone now evokes, particularly among the Southern Senators, both ‘murica  and an unfettered land of guns — a bit of heaven here on earth!  We’re hearing a change of tune from the formerly entrenched opponents of the nomination: ‘Sure, I’ll be happy to meet with Mr. Gunland.  I am a firm supporter of the Second Amendment, and I bet he is too!'”

In the same vein, Obama’s strategy for closing Gitmo now emphasizes the fact that he would like to ship the remnants of “Guntanemo” to the United States, but he’s not sure exactly where.  Members of Congress who had staunchly opposed the transfer of terrorist prisoners to U.S. soil are now clamoring for their districts to be the alternative sites.  “Sign me up — I wanna git mo’ of that gun action for my constituents!”

The president has a broad-based strategy for rolling out other legislative proposals, when the Republican Congress has indicated that it will not entertain any new initiatives in the last year of his term.  All legislative communications will use the word “gnu” instead of “new.”  “It’s a sure way to get the dyslexic gun nuts behind our proposals!” one White House aide gushed.

Recent statements from the President, himself, evidence the new strategy: “I’ve always been a straight shooter, and I’m here to tell you, we’re not just gonna be handgun around the White House packing up our things for the next nine months,”  he said.  “No one should be rifling through their Rolodex, looking for their next job.  With less than a year left in this Administration, we’ve got to blast our agenda through Congress.  We can’t afford to be gun shy.  I want everyone to be locked and loaded.  We need to fire away, then reload, and fire away again.  We’ve got to stick to our guns and keep our eyes on the target, with a laser focus.  I will go ballistic if anybody fails to empty their clip.

“We’ve got to storm the Hill; if we run into any resistance, I want our responses be automatic — or at least semi-automatic.  We need everyone to adopt a rapid fire approach, coming out with guns blazing, giving them both barrels. I don’t care if we antagunize some folks in Congress.  We’ve got to stand our ground and defend our position.  And I know that I’ve got to lead by example.  As Harry Truman famously said, ‘The Buckshot’s Here.’

“There’ll be plenty of time after January 20th to kick back, relax, do some shots at the neighborhood bar, and ride shotgun on the way home.  I can even show off my most prized possession — the gun that they pried out of Charlton Heston’s cold, dead fingers!  But until then, we’ve got to keep slingin’  the lead — but not like they do in Flint — we’ll use flintlocks to prevent that.  Whatever it takes, we musket the job done!”