Not to say that Bernie Sanders sounds like Jimmy Durante singing “Frosty the Snowman” in the famous Christmas cartoon, but when asked to describe his ideal running mate, Sanders replied, “A corncob pipe . . . a button nose . . . two eyes made out of coal.”

The low-stooping presidential campaign has had influence in American Commerce.  New jingle:  “You’re in big hands — with Allstate.”

Trump has been trying out a new line on the issue, even though Rubio has shut down his campaign. “If I tried on the O.J. leather glove, I guarantee you I could only get one finger in — I guarantee you!!”

The joke was on Trump though.  He thought that the correlation was that you had a big one.  Actually, it is that you are a big one.

To finish the topic, and this seems too good to be true, there once was an all-pro athlete with the nickname of “Big Hands,” and his last name was Johnson.  You could look it up  here.

If the presidential election campaign boils down to Hillary Clinton vs. Donald Trump, at least we won’t have to hear “If she were a man, nobody would be making such a big deal about her hairstyle.”

Anthony Weiner is the only Democrat happy about the Hillary Clinton scandal, now that it has been revealed that his wife, Huma Abedin, also had an email address hosted on Clinton’s server.  “At last, I’m not the only one in my family accused of inappropriate/potentially illegal electronic communications!”

When asked why she selected the “surprised” facelift over the “Asian” facelift, Clinton replied, “Here’s why.  First of all, I am all about America.  Second, I did not want Donald Trump to start a birther movement about me.  And finally, it will give me a tactical advantage as President.  If a foreign leader catches me off guard, he or she won’t be able to tell, because I’ll look the same.”

Democratic candidates have taken up the card game bridge.  The Clintons and Sanders often play together.  Their favorite bid:  One No Trump.

Donald Trump easily repelled Marco Rubio’s attempts to make fun of his appearance, particularly the charge that his spray tan looks orange.  “Why do you think they call it Coppertone, you moron?!  I didn’t want to look like a Hispanic — although I love the Hispanics, I gotta tell ya, and they love me.”

Who is looking more prescient than Bill Maher in this particular dust-up?  In countering Trump’s birther campaign against Barrack Obama, Maher demanded that Trump prove that he was not the spawn of an orangutan — which looks like it should be pronounced “Orange goo tan.”

© 2016 by Brutal Publicist LLC